I've been having a crappy week. There is no better way to describe it than "crappy". And it hasn't exactly been a week, more like on-and-off month where I'm either feeling "crappy" or "blah". And why? Men. More specifically the men in my life.
Ok, let me give you guys (yes I'm talking to the imaginary people who live on the other side of this screen) a little background about me here. For some reason - probably my lack of *everything* - I've never been on a proper date. No that one time a guy took me to a bar to try and get me drunk so I'd make out with him was not a date. I'm 21 and pratically a newbie to all things relationship related. I feel retarded every time I meet someone new because I feel like I'm new in school again but with braces and a stutter. Anyway, this brings me to the point I wanted to make. I do not know how to interact with people decently. There I said it. I'm socially retarded.
Moving on, the two men in my life right now have very different backgrounds (and I might get into those later on), one I met at a party I was dragged to by a friend and the other I met on the internet. Yes I know ... blah blah blah. The thing is, I know, without a single doubt in my mind, neither of them is interested in me but more in scoring or adding another notch to their bedposts. Seeing as I'm not religious this shouldn't bother me as much as it does but the thing is, due to the aformentioned social retardedness of my person I can't bring myself to cut off all ties with them or give them what they want. Well the second one is because despite what people might think I actually have some vestiges of morals and refuse to "go all the way" with someone I don't love.
But it's still kind of sucky when they call me up late at night trying to use their womanizing skills on me. Add 100% scared of confrontation and what do you get? A woman who gets herself into stupid and degrading situations like these :
Guy one calls me up on Wednesday looking to hook up, I can't, he rescheduals for Thursday - He doesn't show up. *throws imaginary rocks at him*
Guy two tries a little harder than no.1 during the weekend but still ends up using the same techniques, he get's the horizonal makeout and runs like he just remembered he lets ice-cream out of the freezer before he came over.
What? Did I just say I'm hooking up with two guys? Yes. But in the grand scheme of my "dating" past that is 2/3.
Is it so wrong to want a guy to actually be interested in me? Or should I pull off my rose colored glasses and give my romantic thinking a rest?
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